Stupid For a While The Diary of Harry Potter
by Bunny-kuo
Summary: corresp. fic for Green to Silver. *7* "But the world hasn’t shifted at all, because now I love Draco and the only thing I want to do now is run my hands through his hair and tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him." -SfaW
1. Entry 1

Corresponding fic to Green to Silver (The Journal of Draco Malfoy). Not a sequel. It simply retells G to S through a different POV and clears a few things up that were left untied in Draco's journal.  
  
AN: This is NOT a Harry x Ginny fic. This is a pre-Harry x Draco slash fic. *^^* enjoy.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I love Ginny. I really do. I love her auburn hair and her crystal blue eyes, and the way her freckles fall across her face. I love the way the blushes when I smile at her and I love the way she walks and the way she talks. Or so I think I do.  
  
Lately she's been acting very strangely. She obscures those pretty eyes with heavy makeup, covering her eyelids with some bizarre color I'm not even sure exists in nature. She smothers her lips in a shocking pink lipstick, and wears clothes that show too much skin. She drapes herself all over me suggestively and is always trying to stick her tongue in places it shouldn't belong. It confuses me how she has transgressed from this angel to this sex deprived maniac. I would blame it on hormones, but girls don't have hormones. They only have those whatever those are that make them hurt people once a month. I really don't understand on that works. So, really, I don't know what has gotten into Ginny. She's crude and it's very unbecoming of her.  
  
But then again, it seems as if something as gotten into everybody. Malfoy seems to have fallen off the face of the planet with the reserved way he's behaving. He hasn't even done anything malicious this year which is beginning to worry me. Either he's planning something very sinister or something's desperately wrong with the Malfoy we all love to hate. Sure, he makes a few sharp comments, but his tone isn't as bitter. It's more gentle now. Urgh, Malfoy and gentle just do not go together.  
  
His quietness is got the only strange thing about him. Today, in Potions, I could swear that he was touching me in this intimate way. Urgh. Malfoy and intimate definitely do not go together. Yet, his breath was against my neck, and his slender fingers kept brushing over my hand. And his leg kept rubbing against mine. He was even whispering in my ear. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I swear that all that unnecessary physical contact wasn't just an accident. Or maybe the dungeon air is causing me to hallucinate.  
  
And the thing that bothers me most, is that I wasn't a bit bothered by it. Those touches felt like the most natural thing in the world, like he had been touching me so softly since the beginning of time. It felt too close to be friendly, yet not tender enough to be loving. But it still just felt right. And even worse, I could feel myself getting hard. even around Ginny I manage to control myself. I manage to keep my libido down, and I manage to restrain myself. So why do little touches from Draco make me feel this way?  
  
I am not a sex deprived maniac. I can control myself perfectly well. Dammit, what the heck is happening to me? I feel almost guilty, like I was cheating on Ginny, in just the space of an hour in Potions just working with Draco Malfoy.  
  
There has to be something in the air. Everybody's acting strangely.  
  
Even me. Especially me.  
  
With love, Harry  
  
~TBC~  
  
End note: Methinks I'm in need of a beta for this fic and the sequel. If anybody's interested e-mail me at either pinkbubblez830@aol.com or at dracobishounen@hotmail.com. Thankies!  
  
So how'd I do writing Harry? Please review and offer me some suggestions. I hope he wasn't OOC. I tend to think of him as a bit naïve if not prudish. Eurgh. I hope you all liked it though. Was the title okay?  
  
Again, thank you to all reviewers who reviewed G to S. Now if you'll please review here too ^_~ 


	2. Entry 2

(Corresponding fic to Green to Silver (The Journal of Draco Malfoy). It is not a sequel. It simply retells G to S through a different POV and clears a few things up that were left untied in Draco's journal.)  
  
*~ Entry 2 ~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It has to be some violation. Some sort of security breach of my personal space. I was just walking down the hall after dinner alone seeing as Ron and Hermoine disappeared off someplace for a strange unknown reason (where the hell are they anyway?), when all of a sudden I'm attacked by Draco Malfoy. You'd think he punched me or something, but instead he did something much worse.  
  
He brutally dragged me off into a storage closet and locked the door! It isn't the closet bit that scared me, seeing as I spent my entire childhood in one, but the fact that he locked it. Malfoy just locked me in a closet with him. And then he pins me to the wall. He has this vice-like grip on me, and he looked like some deranged lunatic. There was this mad glint in his eyes, and well, I panic. What person in their right mind wouldn't?  
  
I kicked and struggled and swore at him, but his grip only tightened. And then his face comes closer. And he kisses me.  
  
And it wasn't just any ordinary kiss either. It was like his soul was put into it. And the worst part of it all was that I could feel my spine tingling and my heart beat faster, and I felt myself getting aroused.  
  
At this, I panicked some more, struggling with a newfound energy. None of this could be happening to me, Harry Potter right? I was just desperate to get out of there. I begin to try to wriggle free, but it seemed to only provoke him more. He starts grabbing my hair and rubbing his erection against mine. Not that I had an erection, but if I did, it would have been rubbing against it.  
  
Oh my god. That guy was going to rape me. Frenzied, I gave him a huge shove and try to cover up my flushed face and breathlessness with bitterness. I don't exactly remember what I told him. I never do. I think I just told him to fuck off and that he was disgusting. And then I was about to run off. I couldn't let him see my face. I was sure there was that same mad glint in my eyes as there was in his. My face had never felt so hot. But before I ran off, I saw his face.  
  
There was raw pain etched across his face, and he just crumpled. He just crumpled up against the wall, and his eyes were filled with this sadness and I could almost hear his heart crack. He was the very definition of heartbroken right before my very eyes.  
  
And I turned away and just left him there. I turned away and didn't look back. I didn't look back, because I couldn't.  
  
It isn't my fault he's upset. I did the right thing. I have a girlfriend. I did the right thing. Didn't I?  
  
Because if I did, then why does my heartache for him too? Why does my heart feel like cracking? Why can't I forget the crushed look on his face? How he looked liked he just died? Like his soul was gone?  
  
Why do I feel like my soul is gone? Why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel so guilty, even though it isn't my fault?  
  
With love, Harry  
  
~TBC~  
  
Endnotes: I hope I'm doing this right. I've noticed how Harry's feelings changed drastically during the entry. Erk, I hope it's not too drastic. (Nah, I don't have low confidence, I just don't want Harry to appear too mentally unstable. Even though he is ^_~). Much thanks and love to reviewers! ::hugs:: 


	3. Entry 3

(Corresponding fic to Green to Silver (The Journal of Draco Malfoy). It is not a sequel. It simply retells G to S through a different POV and clears a few things up that were left untied in Draco's journal.)  
  
*~ Entry 3 ~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Draco Malfoy tried to commit suicide. He threw himself off the astronomy tower. And as he took that final step, I heard him whisper, "I love you, Harry." And then he was gone.  
  
Initially, I had gone up to the astronomy tower to think. I couldn't sleep. How could I sleep when my mind is stuck on the permanent photography of pale pink lips, soft as rose petals, and breath that tasted of perfection? And kisses. Delicate kisses that sung of love. I couldn't sleep. So I had gone up to the astronomy tower in a futile attempt to clear my mind of impurities. To purge my mind clean of thoughts of him. But of course he showed up.  
  
I was staring vacantly into space when he had appeared, his trembling body teetering off the window ledge. I watched in horror as he unshakily stepped closer to the edge. What the hell did he think he was doing? And then he took that final step.  
  
"I love you, Harry."  
  
Oh fuck no. "Malfoy!" I sprinted to the window. His robes flapped wildly around him as he spiralled downwards, his eyes closed, rain pummeling onto his fair white face. He continued to fall downwards, at a disturbingly fast pace, the wind tossing his lithe body around. He was going to die.  
  
In a rush of panic, my mind had cleared of all spells to slow him down. He continued to fall, even faster as he neared the ground.  
  
"Lentio!" His body suspended in midair and continued it's descent in slow motion. He landed on the ground, his limbs tangled unnaturally, body making an unnaturally loud splat. I ran to Dumbledore. What else could I do? When we reached him, his face was streaked with mud and he was cold as ice. His skin was caked with blood. It was barely much, but his body. His body was. Well, it was. Oh, his body was twisted most bizarrely, in impossibly angles. I closed my eyes. Dear Gods no.  
  
A stretcher was conjured up and they carried him away. I think they took him to Saint Mungo's. Professor Snape looked as white as death. Dumbledore's eyes had lost their twinkle. A hushed whisper had spread that Draco Malfoy was crazy.  
  
He wasn't. He was heartbroken.  
  
They ransacked Malfoy's dorm room. They found this journal. Snape had looked ashen-faced when Dumbledore began to leaf through it. I'd never seen a person turn the sickly shade of green Snape did when Dumbledore told me to take a look at the journal. And the first thing I saw was my name.  
  
All the entries were about me. All the entries were confessions of undying love, pain, and hurt on my behalf.  
  
Draco Malfoy loves me.  
  
It feels strange to be loved in the way that Malfoy loves me. Ron and Hermione love me. Sirius loves me. But Draco Malfoy LOVES me. I've never been loved like that before. Even Ginny has never told me she loved me.  
  
Funny thing love is. You can hate someone your whole life and when you find out that the hate isn't reciprocated, but instead fueled by love, well. Well. Things change. Suddenly, the hate evaporates, and instead you feel this empty longing in the soul. A sudden need for something else. You can't hate someone that loves you. You just can't.  
  
But I'm Harry Potter. And Harry Potter doesn't follow the rules and laws of anything. Even something as age-old as love and hate.  
  
~Harry Potter  
  
~TBC~  
  
Endnotes: (Lente means slowly in Latin. I guess the spell would be the Lentius spell. I dunno ::confused::) Strange chapter. Kind of weird. A bit loose ::ducks potatoes:: The next chappie should be out soon. Please review! Thankies to all reviewers ::hug:: 


	4. Entry 4

(Corresponding fic to Green to Silver (The Journal of Draco Malfoy). It is not a sequel. It simply retells G to S through a different POV and clears a few things up that were left untied in Draco's journal.)  
  
AN: I'm so sorry about the delayed chapter. FF.net put me on probation and well, I'm off now *^^* 3 bunny-kuo  
  
*~ Entry 4 ~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It amazes me how much can change within the time frame of a week. There's something incredibly different within me now and I can't quite put my finger on it. I just know that it has to do with the prince of Slytherin. My prince of Slytherin.  
  
Dumbledore dragged me up to his office to inform Malfoy of recent circumstances, or rather, of my recent heroic endeavors. Malfoy hadn't seemed very comfortable listening to Snape and Dumbledore talk; he kept squirming in his seat, his face a ghastly shade of white. His ears, were tinged pink with shame, when he was told that they had read his journal. His knuckles gripped the edge of the chair as though it were his life substance. I kept my gaze trained on him, scrutinizing him. I felt pity for him, and some other strange emotion that I don't feel like thinking about.  
  
He left, tail between his legs, still with natural and graceful poise, though his reputation had been ruined from the whispers that frequent the hall. His silver blonde hair gleamed beautifully, the light dancing off of it. His skin looked creamy and smooth, as if had not so recently been marred. I wanted to reach out and touch him.  
  
My heart had speeded up when I looked at his retreating form. He looked so vulnerable. I wanted to protect him and hold him in my arms comforting him all night. I wanted to look into those silver eyes, flecked with blue and gold all night long and then into the morning I wanted to wake up with his small frame in my arms. I wanted him. I wanted Draco Malfoy. And my heart and mind seemed to both agree on this fact, though for some reason I myself did not.  
  
I couldn't want Draco Malfoy. I didn't like Draco Malfoy, and I certainly had no other feelings for him beside contempt and perhaps pity. He wouldn't want my pity though. He wanted something else from me. Something that I couldn't give him. Something that I wouldn't give him. But something that I wanted to give him.  
  
The obvious thing would probably have been to succumb to my newfound feelings and desires and snog the boy into the tomorrow, but I didn't. I did the stupidest thing that I've ever done in my life which really says something. After wandering the dark corridors in blank thought, I made my way to the Prefects Corridor. I easily found Malfoy's room as it had a Head Boy plaque resting on the door.  
  
No. I wasn't planning on molesting him in his room though I wanted to quickly change my plan into something of the sorts. Instead, I was planning on doing quite the opposite. I unlocked his room with a complicated un-locking spell and dragged the unsuspecting boy out into the empty passageway that led to his room.  
  
His face flashed various emotions when he saw me. Love, confusion, hope, love, pain, love. He had looked eagerly into my eyes as if expecting me to do something or say something to take away his agony.  
  
When I finally spoke, I hoped my voice wouldn't shake. It didn't, but I could feel myself trembling as I did. My voice came out husky. "Malfoy, I know how you feel about me."  
  
The world stopped as he gazed expectantly at me with his eyes. His lips that I could never claim for my own twitched into a small smile as he waited.  
  
Oh Draco.  
  
"But, I wanted to. Needed to, let you know that I don't um, feel the same way," my tongue tasted bitter like metal as I spoke.  
  
"Hell. I'm not even gay." But perhaps I was.  
  
"And maybe one day we can be friends," I want to be more than friends with you Draco, "but for now, i just needed to tell you that i could never reciprocate your feelings. I don't even like you, and could much less even love you. I'm sorry." I'm more sorry than you could ever know, Malfoy.  
  
His face fell as he closed his eyes. I'm glad he did because my own eyes betrayed everything I had just said. If had left his eyes open he would have seen the pain my words caused. He would have noticed the love and lust that shone in my eyes. He looked so broken as he collapsed in the hallway, no trace of that arrogant bastard that I hated left in him. My heart wrenched as he sobbed against the stone walls, clutching himself, his world falling around him once again.  
  
I could feel his pain. To have that one person be so close yet so far away. I couldn't be with him. I had to do what I did. It was my duty. I was with Ginny now, and just because someone else that makes my heart beat ten times faster just be looking through his long lowered lashes at me comes along does not mean that I can abandon her.  
  
I realize that at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. That Draco Malfoy would pass out of my thoughts after I left him there. That I didn't need him as much as I thought I did. I realize now that I am wrong.  
  
I need Draco Malfoy like I need air. He completes me. He is everything that I'm not and I love him for it. I don't know when this revelation occurred, or if it was always there, but Malfoy had become some sort of constant in my life. Without him I am nothing.  
  
Right now I am nothing. I am nothing but a stupid boy who just let the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me walk away, leaving it in the dark.  
  
I don't know if I can ever have Malfoy. I don't think I even deserve him. I wish that I could just have one moment with him, all to myself. Without the worry or pressure of life. To be in our own little world, him and I. Together.  
  
But we can't be together, no matter how much I want it. It's something that will always be out of my reach.  
  
In case I never get to say it. I love you Draco Malfoy.  
  
Love, Harry Potter  
  
~TBC~  
  
Please R/R. Muchos thanks to all reviewers. Again, I apologize for the long wait. Next chapter should definitely be out soon. Have a happy holiday! 


	5. Entry 5

(Corresponding fic to Green to Silver (The Journal of Draco Malfoy). It is not a sequel. It simply retells G to S through a different POV and clears a few things up that were left untied in Draco's journal.)  
  
AN: Chappie 5 up XD. I'm off to vacation and won't be back for a week, but chappie 6 will be up immediately. *^^* 3 bunny-kuo  
  
*~ Entry 5 ~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I kissed Ginny today in the corridors. Malfoy saw. I felt as though I were cheating on him rather than betraying Ginny with my perverse fantasies about Malfoy. Ginny doesn't matter to me anymore. Whenever she leans in for a kiss, I close my eyes and imagine that it's my silver-eyed Adonis, with soft lips that taste of flowers, and skin as cold as ice. It's the only way I am able to be with Ginny. It's the only way that I can appease her with my lips. I must pretend as if I were some actor on a stage. I live in a castle in the sky now, in a world of surrealism. I've lost my grip on reality. Here in my dreams, it is just Draco and I.  
  
Draco. Draco and his hair fluttering softly in the breeze as he beckons me to him, licking his lips as I gaze lovingly into his eyes, that once were cold but now danced with warmth and of love for me. I run my fingers through his feather hair and slide my hands down his back as he moans into my mouth. I lose myself in him as he begs for entrance in my mouth, his velvet tongue tracing intricate patterns on my lips. It is perfection and time stops just for us.  
  
It is perfection until I open my eyes. When I open my eyes, my angel disappears and is replaced by some red-haired woman with too much lipgloss and mascara. Round innocent eyes are replaced with small red eyes caked with glitter, and perfect skin disappears into powder. My fingers feel sticky with hairspray. I try not to groan in disgust.  
  
In the corridors, I pretended Ginny was Draco. And then when I opened my eyes, there he was. Staring at me blankly. He looked so delicious just staring at me. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss his eyelashes. Kiss his cheeks. Just kiss him. I wanted to do things to him that would make even Ginny blush even redder underneath all that make-up. I wanted to love him all night.  
  
I don't know why, but a tight ache began to form in my chest. I felt sad. And alone. I wanted to take Draco's love for me and give it back to him in variously creative ways. I felt pitiful and weak.  
  
I looked at him with pity and sorrow. Sorrow that he could never be mine, that he could never understand why I couldn't be with him. What would people think? What would people say?  
  
I love him so much. But I can't and I shouldn't. Perhaps I don't love him. Perhaps, my mind is just convincing me to love him to feel guilty of all the wrong I've done him. Perhaps-no. I do love him.  
  
I'm a fucking coward for not showing it. Harry Potter, hero of the Wizarding World is a fucking coward.  
  
They say admittance is the first step to recovery.  
  
Love, Harry Potter  
  
~TBC~  
  
Please R/R. Muchos thanks to all reviewers. Ooo.and tis Christmas Eve. Have a merry Christmas if you celebrate. If not, then have a happy new year!  
  
Endnotes: Short chappie, but not much happened in this scene except for Draco's spiritual enlightenment high thing. Oh well. Harry will do something soonish. His diary's so frustrating to write, because Harry is stupid. For a while. Hee (I finally have a reason to support why I titled the fic what I did). Whoo! Again, happy holidays! 


	6. Entry 6

AN: Hello! Apologies for the long wait. I just got back from vacation and have begun my pre-finals cramming seshies. I sent this out to my betas a few days ago but haven't gotten a response back yet so decided just to post it up. Hope you like?  
  
Oh, to tinytinytina: for some reason your e-mail is invalid. E-mail me at pinkbubblez830@aol.com and I'll send you SfaW chappie 7?  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It seems a series of events just keep on occurring in my life one after another, like someone up there just won't leave me at peace. The baffling thoughts about Malfoy are preoccupying enough, without throwing this new complication into my already complicated life.  
  
Ginny cheated on me. With Malfoy. And when I saw her pushing him into the wall, attacking him with those disgustingly glossed lips of her, that predatory look in her eyes and that frightened and appalled look in Malfoy's lovely silver ones framed in beautiful long lashes, a surge of jealousy just flowed through me. What the fuck did she think she was doing? Pushing herself onto such a pretty angel descended on heaven? My angel. Malfoy was mine. Mine, mine, mine! She has no right to kiss him. That bitchy little whore. Keep your dirty, grimy, tainted, sick, slutty hands off him. He's mine.  
  
The reaction shocked me. Shouldn't I be upset with Malfoy for kissing my girlfriend? Shouldn't my first reaction be that Malfoy had this devious plot to seduce Ginny to get revenge at me? But it wasn't. It was a blinding anger towards Ginny for getting her hands on something that's mine.  
  
"Ginny?" I'd asked shockingly. What was she doing with Malfoy?! My Malfoy. Mine.  
  
I suppose I overreacted a bit. Malfoy wasn't mine. Not when I've pushed him away again and again, breaking his heart over and over. He probably didn't love me anymore, and moved on to greener and more eager pastures. Pastures that wouldn't cause him to crumple to the floor again and again as his world dissolved around him.  
  
And I was angered. Bloody git. Who is he to think that he can just abandon Harry Potter and leave him in the lurch. He can't not love me. He has to love him. I love him.  
  
I saw red. I didn't even hear Ginny's black lies of excuses. I stalked right up to Malfoy and punched him the eye. It really wasn't the smartest thing to do at the moment, but just thinking about him, with some other person. Loving them, pining after them, writing in his journal about them, stealing kisses from them in the corridors, pulling them into closets, being with this other person who isn't me made me upset. It made my stomach lurch, my heart clutch, my head spin.  
  
He can't love someone else. So I punched him. I took my anger out on him, vented my anger on the one person that I would never mean to hurt. Not anymore at least.  
  
I was jealous. I admit it. And I watched him breathing heavily against the wall, so I grabbed Ginny in my arms and glared at him. I wanted to make him jealous of me.  
  
God. I'm such a fool. No more fool than he is for still loving me if he does. Why do I keep doing that to him? He looked so hurt. So guilty. So sorry.  
  
I wish I could just gain the courage to tell him how I feel. I'm just so afraid of what other people will think. Harry Potter isn't supposed to love Draco Malfoy. It's too wrong. It's isn't supposed to happen. I want it to happen though.  
  
I can't believe the wizarding world entrusts me with the task to save them if I can't even save myself from falling. Falling for Malfoy. I really am a bloody idiot.  
  
-Harry Potter  
  
~TBC~  
  
Endnotes: Really hope that was alright. *wrings hands nervously* I hope it referred back to G to S enough and it doesn't contradict too much. Ner? Review? (Thankies to all those that reviewed. *glomps all*) 


	7. Entry 7

Gaaaaaah! Haven't updated this fic in months. I really have no excuse this time. Really. I don't. Damn. Hope the next chappie is worth it? And hopefully Chapter 8 will be out tomorrow as I am on Spring Holidays.  
  
SO MUCH THANKS TO THOSE THAT REVIEWED! I sincerely apologize profusely to my readers ::grovels a bit::  
  
3 bunny  
  
ENTRY #7 -----------  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It's a quite disconcerting feeling to be making bedroom eyes over at the empty space where Draco Bloody Malfoy usually sits in the mornings just willing for him to come along. Even more disconcerting is making said eyes whilst the atmosphere settling in around you has an unmistakable darkened tone of what Ronald Weasley would love to do to Malfoy's private bits with a chainsaw if he ever had the chance or knew what a chainsaw was. Took me a while to realize Ron was not trying to be kinky but trying to be a trademark Weasley of vengeance.  
  
When Malfoy sauntered in, the entire Great Hall hissed at him simultaneously and sank into a dangerous silence. I almost expected him to run out screaming just by the petrifying stares those Hufflepuffs were giving him, but he glided over to his usual spot to pick and finick over his toast.  
  
God. How I loved his Completely-Without-A- Doubt-Utter-Bastard look. The intensity of his eyes, his poise. My heart beats rapid against my chest and suddenly my pants feel a little too tight.  
  
If I ever had a mother she might have told me that tight pants cause a man to do crazy things.  
  
It all started when that manly beast of a girl, Parkinson launched herself at Malfoy, practically mauling him. Why is she of all people allowed to touch him and rub him in ways that I cannot? I'm more woman than her if anything. Stupid bint.  
  
I was glaring at her with laser-like precision, when suddenly a massive attack of red hair and freckles blocked my way. Oh. Ron.  
  
Frozen to the ground, I could only watch as Ron castrated Draco violently with his words. I winced myself, twitching and fidgeting this way and that as I listened to Ron accuse, threaten, and scream other volatile obscenities at Draco.  
  
".Put your dirty, filthy ferret claws on something so pure." It was an honest mistake that my mind immediately jumped to the idea that yes, Dirty Ginny Weasley put her dirty, filthy hands on my Draco who was so white, so silver, and so pure.  
  
"What makes you even think that i would want to put my dirty, filthy "ferret claws" on that thing you call your sister. On that whore?" Oh. So perhaps Ron was referring to Draco as dirty. Silly really, as Draco looks so squeaky clean. He probably even washes behind his ears, and right underneath the sensitive spot beneath his earlobe. . .  
  
Some idiot Hufflepuff suddenly stands up and shouts, "Then why'd you kiss her?!" Wanker. Always knew there was a reason why Hufflepuffs were so annoying.  
  
"I did NOT kiss her! I never would want to, never will, and has anyone ever stopped to think that i was the victim in this?! That MY personal space was invaded?" I wanted to run up to my Draco and cuddle him right then and there. He looked so pathetic and lost and lonely and oh. He looked so cute when he was upset, a contrast to the sexy Slytherin Bastard look he oh-so- often had.  
  
"Well, if you hadn't noticed the disgustingly, garishly painted face of hers, you might notice that she wouldn't WANT Harry fucking Potter, being the little whore that she is." What? What's wrong with me now? Who doesn't want me? Does Draco not want me anymore? I felt a frantically desperate pout coming on and tried to suppress it.  
  
Seamus stands up. Seamus always has something intelligent to say. "What about you then eh? You've stuck your tongue and various other things in more places that anyone can count!" Ah. Or perhaps not. Silly sentence when coming from the mouth of the Gryffindor Slut himself.  
  
I decided to stand up now. I attempted to tell the Great Hall what a dirty filthy cheat Ginny was and what a cute little face Draco had and how sweet he looked when flushed, but I think they might have gotten it wrong. From the looks on the faces of my dorm mates they seemed to think I was attempting to tell the hall what a dirty filthy cheat Draco was and what a cute little face Ginny had and how sweet she looked when flushed. Humph.  
  
I shouted a bit more and then realized all further actions were futile when I finally noticed the pained but resolute look in Draco's eyes. I blinked a little as he came closer and closer to me.  
  
Eeep. What was he going to do? I reconsider my previous thoughts. I hate Draco Malfoy! I'm not gay! I hate Draco Malfoy. Really. What? What?!  
  
"I DID NOT KISS THAT LITTLE WHORE! WHY WOULD I?! I DON'T EVEN LIKE GIRLS! AND YOU, POTTER, SHOULD KNOW EXTREMELY WELL WHO THE HELL I WOULD FANCY KISSING." And with that, he took a few more forceful strides and pulled me in and clamped his mouth over mine.  
  
Eeeeeeep.  
  
I. Am. So. Not. Gay.  
  
Ungracefully, I shoved Draco out of the way. Why did he have to kiss me in the Great Hall? Nonononono.  
  
I turned away hoping he didn't see the blush creeping on to my cheeks as I tried to push the soft feel of his tongue upon my lips from my mind.  
  
And then Ron punches him. Damn Ron. I look back only to see Draco sweep out of the hall.  
  
This is all so wrong. It isn't supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to bloody like it when Draco Malfoy kisses me. And I do, why do I have to keep pushing him further and further away, taking for granted that always, when I least expect it, Draco will kiss me and sweep me away once again?  
  
What if he stops whatever this is he feels for me one day? What if one day I walk in on him really kissing Ginny because he wanted to? And I love him. I really do. But he must love me more if he's willing to tell the world while I hide hanging by a thread in my enclosed closet space.  
  
Bravo Harry Potter Bravo. You really do know how to screw things up and over don't you, when you really should be screwing a certain someone up and around the arse?  
  
I'm sitting now staring out at the stars. I'd seen Draco only one other time today and he walked by me without so much as a scathing glance or otherwise.  
  
Maybe he really doesn't love me anymore. Maybe, the world shifted back into a mode of normality and Draco now hates me. But the world hasn't shifted at all, because now I love Draco and the only thing I want to do now is run my hands through his hair and tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him.  
  
It's all something I should have done a long time ago.  
  
Because I. Harry James Potter AM gay and I, Harry James Potter AM in love with Draco Malfoy and woe betide anyone who stands in my way. . .for I am about to brush my hair before I run to go woo Draco Malfoy back into my embrace.  
  
And I promise myself that I won't push him away this time, and hopefully it wouldn't be the other way around.  
  
-Harry Potter  
  
~TBC~  
  
Endnotes: Agh. Haven't written in a long time. Feel all squeaky and rusty. Review or e-mail me to tell me what you think? Heh. ::sheepish::  
  
Again. Muchos thanks to all my reviewers. I loff you all. (I promise to get a huge thank you section out again soonly. Really. ^.~) 


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